I am angry, probably out of my brokenness, possibly slightly out of conviction. I am angry at our culture, our society, and our churches. But I am tired of raging. I need to do something.
I am also torn between two theories: The first is this: We live in a fallen world. We see through a glass dimly. Our vision of God will be unclear in this life. So we live in hope and eager expectancy of the life to come, or we forget that there is so much more than this world. My second is this: The prince of this earth has cast a darker shadow over our western culture. We are jaded, upside down, inside out, and backwards in our view of things because of the massive spiritual battle that is being waged in the heavenlies. Because of this and because of our hardened and calloused hearts, we are living not only in the shadowlands, but also in a place of spiritual blindness and confusion. The enemy has tricked us, and we have stepped into his trap. We are quarrelling about matters that are trivial while we are missing the Glory. We are blinded because we have chosen to look at the wrong things.
I imagine that our condition is a result of a combination of these two theories. It is probably neither one nor the other, but my heart is heavier than a boulder, and my chest aches with the pressure. I am yearning for some light in this darkness.
These thoughts are not by any means original or revolutionary, but in my own heart, something needs to change. I can’t find the light, and I can’t find the truth. Looking at the condition of our country and our culture, I believe that I need to fight through prayer. Somehow, prayer is infinitely powerful, and if this is a battle that is not of flesh and blood, we need to engage appropriately. I reason that this engagement needs to be of a spiritual nature: On our knees. This is probably already taking place, and I don’t know about it, but I have a vision for an underground prayer church. I believe that we need an army of prayer warriors, who are around the clock waging in this battle against the prince of this world. We are fighting valiantly, but are we fighting in the appropriate realm? We don’t need to fight one another. Denominations don’t need to battle. Liberals and conservatives don’t need to battle. We are not the enemy. Humanity is not the enemy. We are on the same side, so lets start praying with one agenda: Letting the Light penetrate the darkness. The darkness seems to be winning, and it is infinitely less formidable than the power of the Light. This is silly.
I am not sure what this needs to look like, but I think that it starts with some seriously bruised knees and open hearts. I think that it starts with humility and desperation. This is not new. It’s not revolutionary in the world of Christ-followers. The saints have fought and continue to battle on this front. But I believe that more of us, including myself, need to join with the saints on their knees. This is where I face-plant before the throne. And I believe that the darkness will not be able to stand against the Light.
The Beautiful Broken 
I think you are so right that it is a combination of both those theories. I understand exactly where you are coming from. For so long I was filled with such a zeal for prayer and for fighting this obvious spiritual battle raging ever before us. I admit, I grew tired of feeling like I was the only one who cared. And now I fight apathy with the whole thing. Kind of like, you know what, if everyone is going to ignore God then let the world collapse. See if I care.
But this isn’t right either. And I appreciate your words. Prayer is surely our first line of defense AND offense. And the most relevent prayer of all?
“Come quickly, Lord Jesus.”
I understand the sense of learned helplessness, Rebekah. I think that I cycle through the different attitudes that you mentioned. I also agree with the “come quickly, Lord Jesus.” I long for glory more and more, but there is some part of me that also has some inkling of hope that some level of redemption can occur here and now.