Statement of Repentance

I apologize for my relative social media silence as of late.  The sacredness of this space in which our country has been seated seems to deserve a well thought-through response from those of us with any sort of “following” on social media sources.   And I feel sadly inadequate in light of the black lives matter movement.

As much as I have battled to be present in the massive flow of collective grief as of late regarding the gross disregard of sacred lives of those in minority positions, I have also been battling for this actual physical life of my own.  C-diff is no joke. For those who are lucky enough to not have had to google this ailment, it is basically a horrible infection in the gut that comes from strong antibiotics given to treat other horrible infections:  In my case, the sepsis that nearly killed me in March.  And get this: C-diff, if not treated leads to……none other than….sepsis!  And the first round of treatment does not seem to be helping. No one in my house in laughing:  Well, except those under the age of seven who think constant “poop talk is funny.”

Life is constantly vastly up and down. With chronic and acute health issues volleying with one another, with threats outside that leave us scratching our heads regarding what wisdom for this season looks like, we cling to one another and to the solid bits of life more tightly as we seek to remain rooted in the Father and seeking the Spirit.

Also, I’m scratching my head over the contrast of the much higher mortality of rate that I’m encountering with those illnesses presenting themselves within my body and the proportionately lower mortality rate of the main illness terrorizing the planet outside my body.  I say this not to lessen the severity of COVID-19:  The loss of life is tremendous and immensely tragic.  I say this only to offer some dark chronic illness humor in the midst of a very scary situation that has kept our autonomic nervous systems way too revved up for the past four or five months. Sometimes dark humor becomes a necessary reality when facing a constant barrage of potentially grave health issues.

To offer a ridiculously absurd understatement, this is a hard season for our planet and our country and communities for so many reasons.

I have, though silent on social media, taken this time to seek the heart of the Father on His main command of “Love God, love others.”

I mourn, putting on a cloak of repentance regarding my flippancy regarding racial injustice.

I stare my social laziness in the face, as well as my self-focus and self-reference.

I am heartbroken by my disinclination to pursue what is best for others, choosing now to willingly pause before naturally orienting the world around my point of view.

I have repented for not being willing to be “inconvenienced” enough to shift perspective to someone dissimilar to myself, often choosing the most comfortable path of least resistance in social or public interactions.

I want to acknowledge my use of chronic illness as a cop out during times when the Spirit has prompted me to reach out in a way that would stretch me past my comfort zone.

I want to grow. I want to mature. I want to be enriched by those who are unlike me, who can give me a piece of the world and a reflection of the character and person of God that I have never seen before.

I will continue to seek God’s heart on these things as I invite Him to highlight the areas in me that grieve The Spirit.  I commit to continue to pause, to examine my prior assumptions, and to allow the God who adores using those on the margins to teach me more about His beloved children:  All of them.

I am listening.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Pastor Al Gilbert

Blogs, Sermons and More

Heaven's White Noise

Can you hear it?

Avalanche of Grace

Finding God's Grace along the Broken Road

Life is a Vapor

Encouraging Christians to Live a Life of Radical Love and Service

With Great Hope

Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. - Romans 12:12

Motherhood, lifestyle, Travel


I used to keep my mouth shut. This is what I say when I don't know what to say.


Because we all live a life that is perfectly imperfect

Drawing Closer to Christ

Trusting the Love of Jesus Christ, One Day at a Time. Psalm 13:5 NIV, “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.”

Ron Tamir Nehr

Self Empowerment & Business Coaching


Inner Beauty - Outward

Message In Stanza

Poetry and Musings

Mustard Seed Blog

With this news, strengthen those who have weak knees. Say to those with fearful hearts, Be strong & do not fear, for your God is coming to destroy your enemies. He is coming to save you.” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭35:3-4‬ ‭

Tarbelite Confessions

Weaving a story to protect myself

The lovely dandelion

spreading a little joy into the world one seed at a time


He is faithful through the storm

cholley's musings

my thoughts and prayers about my journey with my Savior, Jesus

Pure Glory

The heavens are telling the glory of God; and the firmament proclaims His handiwork. Psalms 19:1

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close