I was curled in a ball on the bench in our back yard, waiting for my nausea medicine to kick in, waiting for my pain to wane, waiting for relief, waiting…..
All while my precious husband was reclining near me, worship music was playing live from Presence Worship over my phone, as they praised the Lord on the side of a mountain in the sweet wilderness of retreat, and my children were huddled cute-as-can-be on the trampoline turned sprinkler.
Between gasps, I sang my weak harmonies with this group of surrendered worshippers, who I am confident are also worshipping through their own suffering.
It’s amazing how you can sense the Spirit through the limited offerings of Facebook live video, but tonight was charged.
I glanced over at the miracle of sweetness between my sprinkler-soaked children, so I snapped a quick picture of my dripping wet blessings at sunset. I exchanged knowing, wordless glances with my beloved, and I accepted the evening: the moment. I accepted it as a gift.
Radical acceptance: This evening I’m in multi-leveled pain, nausea is crippling, and physically I am weary and weak. Also, I am wrapped in the warmth of summer sunset, sprinkled with the mist of my children’s dream trampoline/ sprinkler offering the perfect cooling coating, and my peaceful, rooted husband is near.
The pain is present, and so is my Lord. I worship in my pain. The limitations are glaring at me, but I’m held in the adoring arms of my Lord and family.
I’m not strong. I’m weak. And it’s okay, because my Lord’s strength is perfected in my weakness. It’s okay, because when I am weak, then I am strong. It’s okay, because those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. It’s okay, because the Lord fights for me. I just show up, be still, and worship. It’s okay, because He is my strength and song; He has become my salvation.
No where does it specify that I must be strong: Only that in my weakness I be yielded. And I can do that.
And so, tonight I rest: in the pain, in the beauty, in my weakness, and in His strength. #intentionalparenting #worshipwhileiwait #worshipthroughthepain #dontgiveup #strengthinweakness #joyinsuffering