Where in the World Have I Been??

It has been radio-silence over here on the Beautiful Broken for a season.

Where have I been?

The short answer:  ICU.

I developed sepsis in my port 14 days ago, and 12 days ago, my concerned husband drove my extremely febrile, dying self to the ER, which began two of the most bizzarre weeks of my life. I was admitted straight into ICU, with sepsis and a blood pressure of 60/30, and in the pain of it all, the bottom lobes of both of my lungs collapsed, placing the doctors at a very difficult decision:  To intubate and risk my life and my fragile body with an invasive procedure, or to potentially under-treat my condition with the less-invasive bi-pap machine round the clock, with me under sedation.  Because I was fully coherent, Jordan and I together made the decision of the bi-pap,  and thus began the season of miracles.  I’m home, after what feels like a season in the wilderness, or a journey through the valley of the shadow of death, fully restored in ways that I did not know to be possible.

I believe that God is doing a greater work, as He has restored my relationship with my family, set me free from fear, and called me to release control. My dreams are different. While two weeks ago, they were dreams of terror, they are now power-filled. Though still intense, I am protected and shielded in them, as though I were observing it happening through a lens or a movie. And when I wake up, I wake up cradled, as if God were comforting me in the aftermath of the intensity. Also, I always wake up with a word of explanation, as if God is giving me interpretation in the wake of the dream.

On Sunday morning, while still in ICU God spoke these words to my heart:
“Megan, you can’t control the outcome. But I reign above it all. So you don’t have to.”

That morning, I was completely overwhelmed by the glory of God. After days of no, sleep, in just 12 short hours, God restored peace to my family of origin, allowed me to speak life and gospel into the heart of a young budhhist whom He was pursuing, and anointed me with a strange, wonderful, terrible, intense outpouring of His Spirit in the form of dreams and visions. It was certainly an Isaiah 6 moment, when I felt as if I would burn up in the blaze of God’s glory which seemed closer than ever before. Also, it was in the wee hours of that morning that I felt the burning fever and pain of the infection lift from my body. I was released from the sepsis….which, I believe, is only the beginning of the physical healing. This time, though a time of deep, dark suffering through the valley of the shadow of death, has been the birthing of a new Megan—the one I was always created to be.

My friend Bonnie spoke it over me about a week before I went septic. She said that God was going to set me free from fear, that He would restore my family, and that He would release a greater outpouring of His Spirit. While my spirit agreed with her, my mind struggled to understand what she was saying. I simply couldn’t fathom it. I couldn’t fathom feeling deep love and compassion (the agape kind—the selfless, not codependent kind, without shame or self-doubt) for my parents. It was through the laboring, pain, and suffering, that something in me died (self, possibly), and some new Spirit-man was born, fresh as a baby chick, free, unfettered, and unhindered by self-consciousness, fear, or shame. I feel that there is so much God in between the lines in these statements: that the words only carry a shadow of what has occurred, and that words are sorely insufficient in expressing this supernatural work that is taking place in my mind, body, and spirit. I pray that the Spirit fills in the blanks that my words leave in the hearts of the readers.

In the days, weeks, months, and probably years to follow, I will continue to fill in the blanks of this season.  Jordan set up a caring bridge account, on which we shared during my time in the hospital, so if you would like more details, feel free to click here.

For those who have been praying, thank you.  Our God is indeed a miracle-working God.

Categories Christianity, chronic illness, Uncategorized

4 thoughts on “Where in the World Have I Been??

  1. Megan,
    I feel so privileged to have a glimpse of your heart and can’t wait to meet you in person when you and Jordan formally begin your ministry at Goddard UMC. Know that God is already using you to bless in advance.

    In my life, I’ve learned – and am still learning – how God uses the times that from the outside appear hopeless, to draw us closer and create new ways to love and bring hope to people around us.
    Becky

  2. I cannot wait to hear more about how the Lord has restored you to your family of origin, and what that looks like!
    Oh, PRAISE HIS NAME!!!! I am so thankful to be a witness to all that our God has done (from my house and from my phone, but still…). Looking forward to seeing your lovely face in person someday SOON!!
    Love you muchly ❤️!

  3. This made me have that dance for joy feeling and if my body would let me I’d probably do it in praise of our Father, in what He’s doing, for His princess daughter! Your story will reach far and wide. We don’t know each other personally but it’s such evidence of the family of God and how He connects us, there is no distance in the Spirit, Hallelujah 🙌

  4. Your story is so amazing and l love your blog!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Life is a Vapor

Equipping Christians to Live a Life of Radical Love and Service

With Great Hope

Rejoice in your hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. - Romans 12:12

romansmumandmehome.wordpress.com/

Motherhood, lifestyle, Travel

Supercali-whatever.

I used to keep my mouth shut. This is what I say when I don't know what to say.

ordinarilyextraordinarymom

Because we all live a life that is perfectly imperfect

Drawing Closer to Christ

Trusting the Love of Jesus Christ, One Day at a Time - Psalm 13:5 NIV, “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.”

Ron Tamir Nehr

Self Empowerment & Business Coaching

Charisma

Inner Beauty - Outward

Message In Stanza

Poetry and Musings

mustardseedblogs.wordpress.com/

“With this news strengthen those who have tired hands, encourage those with weak knees,say to those with fearful hearts “be strong & do not fear” Isaiah 35:3

Tarbelite Confessions

Weaving a story to protect myself

The lovely dandelion

spreading a little joy into the world one seed at a time

insicknessandinfaith

He is faithful through the storm

cholley's musings

my thoughts and prayers about my journey with my Savior, Jesus

Pure Glory

The heavens are telling the glory of God; and the firmament proclaims His handiwork. Psalms 19:1

The Mind Connectory

The Mind Connectory is a place where thoughts are shared in the hope that many people can relate to similar situations. I anticipate that it can become a library of knowledge from which people can draw up plans to overcome challenging situations – whether they be brought on by loss or mental barriers. The mechanisms for coping with matters of the mind are quite connected regardless of their cause. That is why I believe that learning from other people’s experiences (both successful and unsuccessful) is the key to self improvement as well as a better future for ourselves and the people around us.

Sara Lauren Lewis

Cultivating Community and Celebrating Creativity

health & Lifestyle Blog | Abigail Louise

HEALTH, LIFESTLYE & CHRONIC ILLNESS BLOG BY Abigail Louise

This Grateful Mama

Encouraging women with the truth of Gods uncommon grace

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close